An Example of Embodied “want”.
THIS is what we are working towards!
We hear a lot about the struggles that come with disembodied eating: the shame, suffering, confusion, and the cycles of restriction and binging. We also hear a lot about the actual disembodied eating experiences themselves: the hiding, sneaking, stuffing, endless picking, uncomfortable fullness, indecisiveness, and the overwhelm. But we don’t hear a lot about embodied eating. If disembodied eating feels like all of the above, then what the heck does embodied eating feel like?
We understand what we are trying to stop but do we know what we’re actually trying to do?
Below, you will hear Michelle have an embodied eating experience! Notice that it is completely different from “sticking” to a diet, trying to “good” or just relying on willpower. It is so much more and so much better than that. Notice that Michelle describes maintaining social engagement and has access to decision making. She is not feeling shame, anxiety, deprivation, nor is she “wanting it all”. Her hunger level, desires and environment all actually MATTER. And they matter in a natural way, not in a forced or rules based way.
This recording is a wonderful example of what we are striving for. Overcoming disembodied eating is difficult but as you will hear, it is so worth it!
Audio Transcription:
Hey everyone. Michelle's musings really fast, crazy stuff here. I'm actually recording for Find the Shift version two, and my office is about 87 degrees because the AC is not on and they have salsa outside my window, so I have to keep the windows closed and I'm recording, so I have to keep it quiet. So it is God forsaken hot in here. Not a big deal. Totally can handle it. Everything else is going beautifully. But I felt really physically hungry and said, you know what? Take a break. Go get some coffee, go get something to eat. It's a weekend. So some of the things that I normally go to eat are closed. And I didn't wanna, to be honest, I didn't wanna spend a ton of money because, you know, it's gets expensive, uh, buying salads and all that stuff. Anyway, it's also very hot out and I saw a ton of people walking around with ice cream.
And if anyone knows, ample Hills is a very popular Brooklyn ice cream brand. And I had the best embodied want experience ever. And for those of you who wouldn't know, embodied Want is one of the subjective units of experience that we track with the Find the Shift nervous System tracking app. And it's on a scale of one to 10, one being really embodied want and 10 being disembodied want, or also known as becoming the want. It's that powerful, fixed, overwhelmed, dissociated type of a want. Now, historically, the feeling that I had no, like historically would have turned into an, a really powerful need, either to binge, to have a disembodied eating experience, just the overwhelm or a really strong need to shift. And I cannot begin to express in words properly how glorious my experience just was. I saw people with ice cream. It was not a fixed, obsessed, anxious want.
It was a, oh, you know, I would like ice cream right now. And I didn't hide. In fact, I stopped off at one of the stop, uh, shop owners and said, Hey, and how are you? I didn't feel overwhelmed. I didn't feel fixed. I didn't feel tunnel vision. I didn't feel the normal dropping and pressure in my chest wide field of vision, no extra extremes. And then I, I walk to Ample Hills, but there was no I, I should, there was no push or pull. It was this very simple, normal, normal is not the right word, obviously. It was just this great feeling. Anyway, I walk into ample hills. There was no sense of hiding normally in these situations or historically there would've been like a sense of needing to lie or cover up or come up with a story or I don't know.
There's just so many, so many other experiences. But anyway, this is a new experience or one of the newer experiences. This has happened in, I'd say a fair amount of time in the last year, but it's, this was just such a beautiful one. And I walk in and I saw that there, they had, I guess there was, it's a smaller shop. There was probably about 10 flavors. And I did not feel overwhelmed. Did not feel overwhelmed. Saw two, asked for a taste of one, asked for a taste of another. And then the second one, strawberry buoy, gooey <laugh>. I was like, oh, that's delicious. And he said, okay, so I'll give you a small cup. I said, how many scoops is in a small? Is it just one? He goes, no, I could make it two. And I was like, no, no, just, I just want one.
What? But guys, like it wasn't, uh, I should only have one. I gotta choose one. I'll come back later and have us. It was just the most normal. Oh God, stop using the word normal. It was such a, an embodied, no stress, easy. It wasn't even easy because there was no struggle. So I can't say it was easy, it just was. I said, no, like a kid's cup, just the strawberry, gooey, please. And he went, oh. And then he grabbed the cup and it was a tea. It's a teeny tiny little cup, but it looked perfect. I could have switched and said, no, no, just one scoop. A single scoop of whatever the heck it is. But it looked just so perfectly what I wanted. And then I left with my little kid's, cup of strawberry, buoy, gooey. And there was no stress, no hiding, no fixation, no overwhelm, no. And I know sometimes when we have really, really powerful disembodied eating experiences, there can be like a euphoric excitement right before you have your little thing, your your, your binge. This is better, guys. I'm just saying I've had that, I've had that excitement. I've had it where I bought a lot of food and I was gonna be alone. And it has that euphoric kind of quality to it. But what I am feeling right now
Is better.
So, I just, I don't bright vivid not floating in a bad way, like light tingly, it's a little too tingly, doesn't really work there. But I'm giving you the felt sense of what it feels like right now. Nervous system navigation, daily returns, supporting the body to function from the present. Giving it experiences of support and co-regulation and safety is what melts the disembodied. Eating from the inside out. Melts ice cream. No pun intended, <laugh>, but my ice cream is melting actually. 'cause I'm doing this before I, I'm doing this before I even finished eating ice cream. So I mean, if that's not an example of embodied want, I don't know what is. Um, so, okay, that's all. I didn't expect this to be eight minutes. I wanted it to be like four. But just wanted to describe that. Embodied want is wonderful.
Remember, you exist.